What 'different strokes, different folks' means (to me)

Well it's been nearly a year of blogging now. First off, all the usual cheesy thank you's to all who follow the blog, I enjoy writing my articles and features as much as you all (hopefully) enjoy reading them. For this momentous occasion (lol) I'm gonna do something different. I'm not going to discuss films, I'm going to get a bit personal and talk about myself.

Why 'different strokes for different folks' one may ask? Well in the simplest sense, it reflects my opinion on films. We all have different opinions and different tastes. We like and dislike things in varying degrees. If we all had the same sorts of 'strokes' of fancy, so to speak, wouldn't it all be very dull? Variety is what makes discussion of our tastes beautiful.

I'm talking about film but I'm also talking about life, and my key belief in life: that everyone is an individual, distinct and has merits in their own way. That none of us are the same, the only recurring trait in all of us is a uniqueness that appeals to different folks, in different strokes. And it's a hard belief to cling to sometimes. Sometimes it's frustrating. Sometimes it's upsetting. Here's where I start to get personal (tune off if you want but I promise it's not overly emotional or depressing, just a piece of my mind).

In between this time last year and now I was a student settled comfortably into five years of all-boys boarding school life, to a first-year student at university doing what I love, English Literature. It's been a blast by the way. I've met lots of amazing people, both on my course and at my accomodation, (sort of) learnt how to cook, maintained good relations with ties of the past, and been fairly productive overall in terms of continuing to do what I love, while occasionally broadening horizons.

With the two tourists (ties of past and present lol)

But it hasn't been without its struggles. I've been lucky to avoid any sort of extreme crises, but I've had to confront some demons around me. Harrow was an amazing experience, and I'll be eternally grateful for it. Leaving the safe environment, however, has forced me to recognize that the outside world is sometimes a pretty daunting place, where not everything necessarily accommodates my slow pace as a person. I'm lucky enough to be in a position where financially I'm well supported, and have also gifted with great opportunities in London's Global University. But sometimes there's the other personal stuff that's tricky. That I've never done or been confronted with before.

My expectations of certain things have left me in a bit of an emotional twist at times. I didn't really appreciate before university that there would be hurdles in some regards I thought would come instantly. Stuff like sex,  relationships, confidence, emotions, things I thought I'd have under control by this point in the year, I'm still working on, slowly. I haven't gotten completely used to the fact that I'm out of an enclosed place where nothing was really 'tough' to handle besides schoolwork and exams. I've been lucky enough to have lots of friends and a lovely mum to talk to but a lot of the time, it's down to me, and on more downbeat days, there are times where I don't really feel motivated to get up and doing my stuff because I'd rather be someone else. A different stroke of a different sort of folk.

Which is why in a slightly lame but I hope somewhat sweet sort of way, the blogging has helped keep me afloat. Writing about films I love, hate etc., alongside my writings for stuff like SAVAGE and of course, essays for Uni work, have become a means of respite from some of the darker periods of my year. It gives me a boost of confidence whenever someone says they quite liked one of my articles, or are compelled to check out a film on my recommendation. And it makes me feel good whenever I finish off a paragraph I find particularly tripping to the ear, or when I feel I get my passion through the written word in ways I might not necessarily be able to in real life. I find myself from the pits of darkness when I write, whether it's an Eliot essay, a poem about something on my mind, and of course my film stuff. I find myself once again in pits of darkness (the mental sort) when it comes to mustering something up about Old English but that's another story (need to revise for Wednesday ugh).

:/

I've had a fair share of downbeat days, never spiraling into depression, but  Sometimes I even reached the verge of hating myself. For being too insecure, not being forward enough, not being 'good' enough at this or 'experienced' enough at that, having an identity crisis of sorts because I want to be someone else I'm not, to escape from some of my problems.

Anyway I digress. So my blog helps me to find myself again. But it also helps me to realise that what I am is different to what I might want to be sometimes. And though 'wants' are transient and temporal, the essence of who you are is constant. I've always had a bit of an identity flux. As aforementioned I'm a Hong Konger born and bred in the city I call home, but I've spent nearly half my life studying abroad. Sometimes I feel out of place both in the United Kingdom and back at Hong Kong. I'm Westernized in some regards, but still very much a Hong Kong chap in other ways, I'm international and local in two places at the same time, I'm a bit of a wanderer sometimes, always on the move from one country to the next, not being in one place long enough to establish a relationship, never really having had the practice or opportunity for stuff like that. I like company but I also like quiet time. I'm generally sensitive and lovey dovey, but sometimes I just want to throw those intuitions all away, live it out like one of the lads. I like being nice but sometimes I can be a bit unpleasant when I'm going through unpleasant times. I am happy at others' happiness but sometimes I can be jealous. And so on. Sometimes I don't know what I am, exactly.

But then I remember, I am what I am, and no amount of categorization can define that. I just intuitively know that there are things that make me Calvin Law, strengths and flaws, and certain aspects may come and go, some might change, but there's always going to be an essence of individuality that makes me a particular stroke of folk. And I don't need to try and be someone else to correct my flaws, I just need to figure things out in my own way, in my own time. And that makes me love myself. Not in an egotistic way but more of a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

I'll conclude with a bit of Samuel L. Jackson (I apologize, I couldn't stay away from film this long).

cinemablend.com

'I'm trying Ringo. I'm trying real hard...'

Jackson's Jules is trying to find his place in the world. So am I. So are all of us. And perhaps the best thing to realize is that we all have different paths laid out for us, at different paces, to different places. No use getting too strung up on why I'm not something or haven't something or am waiting for something, to happen. Just be yourself.

And that's all I have to say, really.